Seeking belonging and recognition is a fundamental human need. Whether we realize it or not, we all experience this desire in different ways.
We strive to make our family proud, to prove our reliability at work, and to aim for perfection in hopes of receiving praise and validation.
This need manifests deeply in our actions, behaviors, and communication.
By constantly aligning with external expectations, we unknowingly develop a defense mechanism that protects us from rejection and criticism; while also rewarding us with approval and compliments.
The weight of social pressure
This pursuit is not without consequences:
✔️ When we don’t take ownership of our decisions and desires.
✔️ When we consistently put others’ needs before our own.
✔️ When we silence our own ideas just to maintain harmony or gain acceptance.
Over time, these behaviors can lead to frustration, loneliness, and even guilt.
Conforming to expectations does not equal personal fulfillment. This never-ending quest for approval often comes at our own expense, draining our energy and self-confidence.
- How does this search for validation influence your personal and professional life?
- How do you feel when you don’t receive the approval you seek?
How does this need for approval manifest?
While it may seem subtle, the need for approval is deeply ingrained in our daily lives.
· Adapting to non-verbal cues
Most of the time, we unconsciously pick up on signs of approval, a smile, a nod, a positive facial expression.
To avoid rejection or maintain social harmony, we instinctively adjust our posture, speech, or opinions to align with what we believe is expected of us. This adaptation happens so subtly that we often don’t even notice it.
· Constantly seeking advice & validation
“Do you think this outfit looks good on me?”
A simple question, yet it reveals much more than a casual shopping concern.
Are we really seeking fashion advice, or are we looking for validation?
This kind of behavior often reflects a lack of self-confidence and a subconscious desire to conform to social norms and external expectations.
At work, this could take the form of hesitating to make decisions without consulting colleagues or needing constant reassurance from managers before taking action.
· Compromising, but at what cost?
Compromise is a key skill in both personal and professional settings.
In business, negotiation often involves finding a middle ground that satisfies all parties, allowing for efficiency and collaboration.
However, when we consistently compromise at our own expense, without considering our own needs, opinions, or values; it becomes problematic.
If every decision requires sacrificing your boundaries, it may be time to rethink your approach.
Are your compromises strategic and balanced, or do they come from a fear of disappointing others?
· Avoiding conflict at all costs
Agreeing with others simply to avoid confrontation may seem like an easy solution. However, suppressing our true thoughts and feelings only creates underlying resentment and frustration over time.
True conflict resolution doesn’t mean avoiding disagreements altogethe. It means engaging in open and constructive discussions.
Expressing a different opinion or suggesting an alternative perspective may create tension, but it also opens the door to dialogue, innovation, and better decision-making.
Are you holding back your ideas to keep the peace? What impact does that have on your self-esteem?
· The desire to please everyone
This is particularly evident on social media.
We carefully curate our posts, selecting the best vacation photos, professional achievements, or aesthetically pleasing meals.
- But is this truly who we are?
- Are we sharing our authentic selves or an idealized version designed to gain approval?
The same applies in the workplace:
- Striving for excellence is admirable.
- But when success becomes solely about external validation, it leads to stress, tension, and burnout.
Constantly performing for praise can distort how others perceive us, making us seem inauthentic, perfectionist, or overly concerned with image.
At the end of the day, what are we willing to sacrifice for a simple compliment?
How to find the right balance?
By always seeking external approval, we risk losing touch with ourselves—our values, our authenticity, and our true aspirations.
- Being agreeable may make us likable; but does it make us credible?
Throughout this article, I’ve shared questions to encourage introspection.
- What if we listened more to our own desires, instead of constantly seeking validation?
- Would we be less appreciated? Would we be rejected?
Assertiveness is not opposition.
- True balance lies in expressing yourself with confidence while maintaining respect for others.
Have you ever felt trapped in the cycle of seeking approval?
Share your experiences in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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